I want my children to be leaders and to not be afraid of standing up for what they believe is right. I also want them to know this can come at a great cost in the short-term – but in the long-term it will provide the opportunity to exist in this world without internal conflict. When all is said and done – I would rather die knowing I didn’t sell out for a big salary/benefits and stood on the side of truth. Lila, Lucy and Leif – there are many things I do and have done that I wouldn’t recommend – you know this – and I made those mistakes in hopes that you will not. But, one aspect of my personality/self I want you to adopt is a steadfast belief that integrity, truth, ethics and morals comes far before loyalty to friends, employers, etc., that operate without any of the aforementioned qualities.
Why do I mention this?
I worked for 10-years in the Housing and Community Development space in the Bay Area, California. I started in the industry as a young idealist who believed those in charge were operating with best intentions, and truly wanted to solve large problems, specific to the homeless crisis we face, along with helping groups like the elderly reduce their housing rent burdens. I was always of the thought process that we must be efficient in serving the public – along with being transparent and accountable for the money we spend, and the outcomes we established. I wanted to work on solutions – but I started to realize as I climbed the public sector ladder that there was no reasonable plan to achieve our goals we set forth.
The system and its leaders started funding counter-productive programs for those addicted to drugs. The County would (and still does) target homeless encampments and the most vulnerable to give out drug resources (pipes, needles, etc.), along with a monthly income. The result? Large escalations in overdose deaths and hundreds of people dying on the streets each year (just in San Jose – but thousands in the Bay Area) . On top of that – the system and its leaders said “apartments are the cure.”
What happened? More addicts die in their apartments then on the streets. Why? Because if you enable an addict, then give them a room – once the door closes and they overdose, no one is there to save them. I saw the system paying upwards of $36,000 per year per household to house addicts/mentally ill – but did not increase behavioral health/treatment resources. We were spending more money than ever – but making the problem worse.
I continued to advocate for groups that were housing ready – like the elderly, families with children enrolled in schools and high-functioning disabled. These are groups that will succeed in the current system – but we continue to prioritize housing resources for addicts and the mentally ill, essentially transforming housing communities into unequipped institutions. I have personally talked to hundreds of elderly receiving Social Security paying 80% of their income toward rent – withering away on waiting lists, as the 25 year old meth addict is housed, and gets stuck in the eviction cycle. The system we created and money allocated could have, 4x over, solved elderly and family homelessness in California. Those groups should’ve been prioritized first, as we developed REAL solutions for those suffering from addiction and mental illness – as apartments aren’t medicine. Many people on the streets need residential treatment first.
I started raising major concerns about fiscal integrity – and the morals and ethics of the City I worked for – and our partners. You see, I applied for the job with San Jose because I am a downtown resident – just blocks from City Hall. I actually wanted to make a difference – and I was proud to serve my City. But, many of my colleagues came from areas outside of the City and County – maybe that explains the lack of concern. Each day I saw San Jose devolving and I knew why. We lacked leadership.
In 2019, I resigned from my role at the City of San Jose – leaving behind a $130,000+/year salary. I felt gross taking taxpayer money knowing we weren’t meeting objectives, and I couldn’t ethically continue in that role. I wrote the entire City Council, and was extremely direct with the “leaders” in the industry, telling them “we have a major problem – we are fiscally irresponsible and if the residents knew how we operated, they would be disgusted.” Well, that got me blackballed, which I was prepared for. What I wasn’t prepared for is that the elected officials and City Manager did nothing about a senior level employees concerns about the failures of a department that spent hundreds of millions of dollars they couldn’t account for. I remember two audits occurring – one an internal audit done by City staff, and the second and more recent audit from the state of CA. Both audits vindicated my position – by stating “$300M was spent in 4-years, yet the City doesn’t know what the outcome of those expenditures are.” But, did anything change? No. Are the City and County leaders who made the issue worse still collecting massive salaries? Yes.
I decided to transition to a neighboring City to take on more of a grants management role – but still, the role was within a Housing Department. About 4-years into my role (after 4 great performance reviews), in about September 2023, I was informed that my role would also start to focus on “homeless interventions.” My boss at the time had no idea what that meant – but City Council made the decision, and that is the directive. I knew this was just working on the same failed programs from my days in San Jose. I was nauseous, but knew I couldn’t in good faith work on failing programs that do more harm than good anymore. Not even for a minute. I couldn’t pretend, despite the money, that I believed in the system and its programs – this would be a disservice to the community I agreed to serve. So, in December 2023 after much thought – I once again submitted my resignation from a Bay Area Housing Department. I often times miss that employer – leaving had more to do with the role, then the entity.
I did promise that if the state of CA and/or localities commit to reasonable and evidence based housing programs, and operating them accordingly – I may return. But, the existing players view me as a disruptor, despite everything I have said is basic truth, backed up by extensive audit reports.
Since December 2023, I have done about 1,000 job interviews – doing my best to try to find something new, where I can earn a living. The interview format these days is bizarre in many cases, and I would even say inhumane – because it’s mostly facilitated virtually. Also, I have had first interviews where you just record yourself answering questions – literally speak to no one, then submit. Personally, I perform at a higher level when face to face – but more and more out here, people don’t want to see faces.
I feel detached. I feel like I lost something inside – it’s just missing. But, there’s hope.
Lila, Lucy and Leif – I am in that painful “short-term” aspect of making a tough decision based on ethics, morals and integrity. Sometimes I wish I could just operate in these systems like many do without a second thought to performance, accountability and/or ethics. I just can’t – it’s not me – for better or for worse. I think about the money I could’ve earned and saved – and all of the gluttony that comes with it. But, being hungry again is where I need to be, and in the long-term we will revisit this topic and I will feel good about it all. I hope we all do.
I am so grateful for Ly, my partner – she is holding it down as the main-earner, as I dip into my own savings to get by and contribute. I also have taken on the primary role of packing lunches, preparing other meals, school drop-offs, nightly baths, grocery store runs and all of the historically Mom stuff. I’ll tell you what – it has been a great joy because my kids every-day make me feel like I matter. They show me that I have a place in this world, and taking care of them is my primary responsibility. Without them – I’d feel so empty and lost right now – without purpose.
Kids, if you keep moving forward and never give up, even when it seems impossible, you will persevere and become a better person on the other side. Please, please, please – continue to develop strong morals and values and NEVER let anyone take those away from you. Fight for what is right – and down the road you will be vindicated. Maybe have a little less in savings – but vindicated none-the-less.
Love always,
Dad
To My Kids - The Thoughts of Your Father 