9/30/2024
Dear Lila,
Transitions.
I know a lot has been going on lately – but I want to remind you of something. Maybe it will help ease the pressure you’re experiencing with AP World History, and make you feel better about recently hurting your knee.
I know you’re having a tough time lately.
The silence is telling, and you’re my baby-girl – I can feel your energy. In addition to your challenges at school – I haven’t been myself recently, and I know you see me struggle, at times, with being overwhelmed by my own thought process. Now that you’re older – and unlike before, you see and notice everything. You’re so smart, observant – and I am proud of how responsible you are. An excellent student, hard-working athlete and the best damn big sister and daughter a parent can hope for. You are my keystone – you have helped me grow and have been so patient/understanding with my flaws. You have helped me become healthier – compelling me to quit drinking alcohol and smoking over 10-years ago.
Now, it’s time for me to grow even more as an individual – because we are entering a new phase in our father/daughter relationship, and I haven’t met expectations thus far. I have always been very good working with or raising pre-adolescent kids, but once full-blown teenager-ism hits, I struggle to know what to do or say. I can’t cook you a favorite meal or take you to the park to make everything better – it’s just more complex even trying to understand how you’re feeling. I need to step it up – and I will!
Now, I want to loop back to the whole “remind you of something.” I was in the pool with Lucy recently, and it brought me back 10-years to when we would swim every weekend. Remember? I would wake you up early – we would be the first at the pool, and at least for 2-hours, had the pool all to ourselves. I would throw you in the air so high – over and over and over again. You would put the fins and snorkel on and do flips in the water. We would throw the ball – laugh hysterically and just enjoy the time together. Hours would go by like minutes – and there’s no hours in my life that I loved more than those hours with you.
I have to recreate those same experiences with your brother and sister – because I know once they become teenagers, which is so close to adulthood, things change. We have our moments, but they become fewer and farther between. My role is to continue to prepare you for independence and self-sufficiency. To send you off to create your own hours and moments in life.
But, it’s hard to begin letting go, especially since you’re with me just half of the time.
I’ll tell you what though – we have done so many awesome things with our time together. I’ve always kept a scrapbook for you with pictures, tickets, drawings and other sentimental items you’ll probably appreciate when you get older. I took you to see every kids movie from when you were 4-years old to 13-years old – it was our thing.
So back to “reminding you.” We saved so many bees during our summers at the pool – and Lucy and I are continuing that tradition. The bees constantly find their way into the pool – but we’ve consistently been there to toss them back out, so they can dry off and continue their lives. I don’t have exact figures, but we’ve saved at least 400,000 bees from certain doom. I think you should be proud of yourself, and I am sure the plants in the surrounding area appreciate your bravery. Sadly, the bees still find their way into the pool – over and over again, but Lucy, like you, has an inner passion for saving bees from drowning – so we carry on the tradition. I guess it’s a family thing.
I just want to appreciate you, kid. You taught me so much – and prepared me to run back the whole Dad thing (twice) with Lucy and Leify. I am ready to turn the corner, and hit a stride in the next phase of our relationship. I am here, always and forever, as your #1 fan and supporter. I love you so damn much, and no matter how awkward these teenage years become – let’s stick together like we always have. We are stronger that way.
See you next week, kiddo. Good luck on that AP World History exam!
Love Always,
Dad
To My Kids - The Thoughts of Your Father 