Take Your Moments

She asked me, “do you mind if I get a shower?” 

I stopped – then thought for a moment.  I thought very hard, and from a perspective not my own. 

Why would she ask me permission to do something I do every-day, without question?  I never once thought to ask her permission to get a shower – to clean my body.  To me, this was a red flag – and it was me, not her, that I was worried about throwing up flags.

I said, in the most pleasant way possible: “Please don’t ever ask me that question again.  Ever. Next time, TELL me you’re getting a shower, then just do it and don’t think twice about it. Promise me that.” 

So, she did – and now that is what she does. 

It’s a relief – she no longer feels compelled to ask me for permission to feel refreshed.  She no longer thinks I am somehow burdened by her taking 10-to-15 minutes (or longer) to get some peace and quiet.  With three kids running around – and both of us working full-time, those moments, whenever we can take them, matter.  Those moments when we can OFFER them to our partner matter – sometimes they matter the most.  Anyone who has been in a relationship or married for 5 + years might know what I mean – especially if you’re in a successful partnership.  OR, if you’ve had some more challenging relationships in the past – you probably also know what I mean. 

Those moments matter from a physical and mental health standpoint – and it’s on both parties involved in a relationship to ensure the other gets those moments, as many as possible.  Not only offer those moments – but be clear those moments can be taken whenever needed.

As I reflected on the aforementioned question that caught me by surprise – it occurred to me, in some way, I am giving off the impression that her taking time is somehow a burden to me.  That maybe watching the kids interrupted something – or that it was her obligation to always be there for everything the kids (or me) needed.  The question hurt me to the core – because she means the world to me. I love her so much, and my role in this partnership is to make her feel loved, supported, appreciated, and free.  Life and relationships, to me, are a constant evolution – keep evolving/learning with the ups and downs and everything will be ok.