8/2/2019
Dear Lila,
I hope that wherever you are and whatever you’re doing that your life is filled with love and happiness. The last few letters that I wrote weren’t about the most pleasant topics, so I want to take a moment to remind you, like I must remind myself frequently, that our life has been filled with so many more positive moments, when compared to the challenging ones. I tend to stray from using the term “negative” – as I feel “challenges” is a better way to describe the more trying times, and challenges are simply opportunities to become a better, smarter person. Always remember that, at work/school and in life – “challenges are opportunities.”
For example, dealing with commuters each work-day, as you know – is one of my least favorite activities. As I was driving to work this morning, like most days – people were total assholes – driving recklessly, tailgating and all that bull-shit (this has a larger meaning, trust me). I must make a choice during my morning commute – as this world is filled with assholes. Do I respond each time I encounter one? No. Why?
Well, then I’d spend my time aimlessly arguing with dumbasses every-day, which is a zero-sum game filled with anxiety and frustration. It doesn’t enhance our quality of life. As I age, I’m only interested in experiences and encounters that enhance our quality of life – and each day I remind myself of the blessings of our family.
You are healthy, which is paramount. You go to a great school – and have a nice
group of friends that you laugh and play with.
We have a home – it’s not the biggest or most luxurious, but the
structure isn’t what is important – it’s the love within… and we sure do love,
laugh and act like goofballs constantly.
I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I have a job – sure, it’s a government job 
— but it ensures that the
rent is paid, food is in the fridge and we have a little-dough set-aside to do
fun things together.
We have Ly. I haven’t written much about our journey – as after your mom and I split when you were one-year old, it was just us for years – but by the grace of the universe, we found Ly. She is now pregnant with your baby brother or sister – and she is such a remarkable human-being. She loves us, and we love her – it feels like we’re a family. You see, everything happens for a reason, in my view. For years, I had the opportunity to learn how to be a father without the support of family close-by. I didn’t have my parents to help with child-care, or a partner to help me raise you through your late infant and toddler years. It was fucking hard, at times, and I complained internally – but using hindsight, I realized that it, again, was an opportunity to learn how to be the best father I could be, and be a better person. I feel that the sense of urgency, and even fear at times, gave me no excuses – and helped me strive to provide for you. At times, we respond most efficiently when your back is against the wall.
It’s perspective – and though I didn’t see it at the time – the gaslight constantly being on, over-drafting the bank account to buy food and the tired nights compelled me to get a better job, and your smile made it all worth it. Looking back, it’s why we became so close – because baby, we overcame, and you held my hand every step of the way. Challenges are opportunities.
I do miss home though, and you know that – but when I was faced with the question: do I live in the Bay Area with no family support – or do I go back home, like many would, and become a summer-time dad? It was a fucking no-brainer. I am staying – and I am being a father to this young-lady – it is my responsibility. And, god-damn-it, I am so happy I made that decision because you’re a fucking awesome kid – and I would’ve missed so much.
The evolution of the human-mind (if we let it) is astounding to me – and my experience being a father has taught me that – you have taught me more than I will ever teach you. I used to be more negative, an angry little shit – and my alcoholism, when active, was a testament to that – as I gave up on myself and everything else except you. I cringe thinking about who I’d be without you by my side – and our path has taken us to Ly, and a truly blessed life.
You start 5th grade in a few weeks – and each year, you get smarter and smarter. You have excelled at basketball, and other activities that you enjoy. When I am confronted now with a challenge – sometimes I fail at my “challenges are opportunities” game plan, and revert to being like every other idiot – but most of the time, I am taking a deep breath and counting my blessings when faced with an issue. I have too much to live for – and one day, you will also have to decide how you react when faced with adversity. We talk about this at times – and I know that my job is to prepare you to be a better person than I am, and I feel our open and honest way of communicating is supporting that effort.
As they say in AA, when the Serenity Prayer is cited — we must let go of what we cannot change, have the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
I can’t change the assholes of the world – I must accept they exist, and pray that they one day are less asshole-y – but I can change how I view the world, and choose to count our blessings.
I love you so much, kid – and no matter where I am as you’re reading this, just know, that I am with you always and forever – right there in your heart. Don’t focus on the small percentage of negativity in the world – know that that you have many more blessings than curses.
Love Always,
Dad
To My Kids - The Thoughts of Your Father 